papa.

I feel like lately, scrapbooking has become even more personal that ever before. With project life & the need to tell more about the stories in the photo, not just add pretty paper behind it, I feel so much closer to my scrappy friends, online and in real life. Most of my IG followers know the good & bad of my life before anyone else, because I feel like you SEE a huge part of my heart.

Thursday, my grandpa died, my Papa.

It hurts to type his name. We haven't had the heart yet to really sit Caleb down and tell him, he doesn't quite understand what that means yet. I also have yet to make it through a sentence about Papa talking, without bursting into tears. I have put homework and starting my new job off a little bit, because I am just totally devastated.

He spent most of the holidays in the hospital, and that was heart breaking enough. My grandparents were my everything when I was little, and I hate to say it, but I was clearly the favorite ;] As the first grandkid, that also had the first great-grandchild, I would stretch it to say I might've been a little spoiled-- a trip to Meijer for a toy most Saturdays, trips to Florida with just them every year, and all those little moments that mattered because I was the closest distance to them. We lived with them when I was little, as my mom was a single mom and worked a lot.

He will never get to walk me down the aisle. 

I will never get to see him AND Caleb go to our favorite places in Clearwater. 

He will never get to see munchkin grow up and graduate, but he was lucky to have him as long as he did, I know Caleb will cherish his BB gun. 

I will never get to hear all of his stories as a Vietnam Vet. 

I don't ever get to say goodbye.

It was almost fitting that just the day before I was collecting all my older pics, trying to decide which ones to hang up around the apartment and came across all the older family ones. With Mammy's help, I have a ton of them from over the years with him, and they will definitely be that much more important now. All of us loose close family and friends, so we all know how much it hurts, even knowing he's in a much better place doesn't make me want to cry any less.

If you know me, you KNOW I stay busy. I have a to do list at all times that's a million miles long, and I love it. But right now, I don't feel like doing much of anything, it's all been put on hold a bit. So if you're expecting an e-mail, or text me and I don't answer right away, please have a little patience, it'll take awhile for me to feel like myself again.